There are many people in the world who are called trouble-free. You can contact them at any time of the day for help, and they will never refuse. Many consider this quality of their character to be a human virtue, because it is beneficial to always “have at hand” such a “no-failure” person in order to transfer some of your problems onto him.
However, rarely does anyone take the trouble to think: maybe a person simply cannot refuse?
People who cannot say “no” often do not have enough time for their own affairs and personal life, although as gratitude for their reliability they can best case scenario expect a backhanded compliment.
Reliable people always, like a magnet, attract people who actively take advantage of their inability to refuse. We can say that the executioner is looking for a victim, and the victim is looking for an executioner. And even if the “non-refusal person” suddenly rebels and refuses the role of a lifesaver, he will immediately be accused of complete selfishness and heartlessness.
There are golden words that everyone should remember: “Living the way you want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others should think and live the way you want.”
Why are people afraid to say no?
People who fulfill other people's requests against their wishes most often have a soft and indecisive character. In their hearts, they really want to say “no,” but they are so afraid of embarrassing or offending another person with a refusal that they force themselves to do something that they do not like at all.
Many people later regret what they once wanted, but were unable to say “no”.
Often, when people refuse, they say the word “no” as if they feel guilty about something - it seems to them that some kind of unpleasant reaction will follow. Indeed, many are not used to being refused, and “no” causes a negative reaction in them - they are rude, break off relationships, etc.
Some people don't say “no” for fear of becoming unwanted and being left alone.
How to refuse politely?
By saying “no,” we often make enemies for ourselves. However, it is worth remembering that what is more important for us is to offend someone with a refusal or to take upon ourselves the fulfillment of obligations that burden us. Moreover, it is not at all necessary to refuse in a rude manner. For example, the same diplomats try not to say “yes” or “no,” replacing them with the words “Let’s discuss this.”
When saying “no”, it is worth remembering that:
this word can protect against problems;
can mean “yes” if pronounced hesitantly;
successful people they say “no” more often than “yes”;
by refusing what we cannot or do not want to do, we will feel like a winner.
There are several simple ways polite refusal, which show that this task is within the power of anyone.
1. Outright refusal
Some people believe that when refusing something, you must give a reason for the refusal. This is a misconception. First, explanations will look like excuses, and excuses will give the person asking hope that you can change your mind. Secondly, it is not always possible to name the real reason for the refusal. If you invent it, the lie may later be exposed and put both in an awkward position. In addition, a person who speaks insincerely often gives himself away with his facial expressions and voice.
Therefore, it is better not to fantasize, but simply say “no” without adding anything else. You can soften the refusal by saying: “No, I can’t do this,” “I don’t want to do this,” “I don’t have time for this.”
If a person ignores these words and continues to insist, you can use the “broken record” method, repeating the same words of refusal after each of his tirades. There is no need to interrupt the speaker with objections and ask questions - just say “no.”
This method is suitable for refusing aggressive and overly persistent people.
2. Compassionate refusal
This technique is suitable for refusing people who tend to get their way with their requests, causing pity and sympathy. In this case, it is worth showing them that you empathize, but cannot help.
For example, “I’m very sorry for you, but I can’t help you.” Or “I see that it’s not easy for you, but I can’t solve your problem.”
3. Justified refusal
This is a fairly polite refusal and can be used in any setting - formal or informal. It is suitable both when refusing to older people and when refusing to people occupying a higher position on the career ladder.
This refusal assumes that you give a valid reason why you cannot fulfill the request: “I can’t do this because I’m going to the theater with my child tomorrow,” etc.
It will be even more convincing if you name not one reason, but three. This technique is called failure for three reasons. The main thing when using it is the brevity of the wording so that the person asking quickly grasps the essence.
4. Delayed refusal
This method can be used by people for whom refusing someone’s request is a psychological drama, and they almost automatically respond with consent to any request. People of this type often doubt that they are right and tend to endlessly analyze their actions.
Delayed refusal allows you to think about the situation and, if necessary, seek advice from friends. Its essence is not to say “no” immediately, but to ask for time to make a decision. This way you can insure yourself against rash steps.
A justified refusal might look like this: “I can’t answer right now because I don’t remember my plans for the weekend. Perhaps I have arranged to meet someone. I’ll need to look at my weekly planner to confirm.” Or “I need to consult at home,” “I need to think. I’ll tell you later,” etc.
You can refuse in this way to people who are assertive and do not tolerate objections.
5. Compromise refusal
Such a refusal can be called a half refusal, because we want to help a person, but not completely, but partially, and not on his terms, which seem unrealistic to us, but on our own. In this case, it is necessary to clearly define the terms of assistance - what and when we can and what we cannot.
For example, “I can take your child to school with mine, but just let him be ready by eight o’clock.” Or “I can help you do repairs, but only on Saturdays.”
If such conditions do not suit the requester, then we have the right to refuse with a calm soul.
6. Diplomatic refusal
It involves a mutual search for an acceptable solution. We refuse to do what we don’t want or can’t, but together with the person asking, we look for a solution to the problem.
For example, “I can’t help you, but I have a friend who deals with these issues.” Or “Perhaps I can help you in another way?”
In response to examples different techniques refusal, one can argue that it is necessary to help people and that by refusing others, we ourselves risk finding ourselves in a difficult situation when we have nothing to count on anyone’s help. Note that we are talking only about the requests of people who are accustomed to “playing with one goal”, believe that everyone is obliged to them and abuse the reliability of other people.
Quite often it happens that people have to do something that they don’t want to do at all, and all because they simply could not refuse a request from one of their relatives, friends, or colleagues in time. Is it possible to save yourself from performing unpleasant tasks and how to learn to refuse people? In reality, this is not so difficult to do, the main thing is to listen to the recommendations of experienced psychologists.
Experts say that those who constantly agree to help others to the detriment of their own interests, sooner or later face problems such as headaches, stress, depression, and dissatisfaction with life. Is it worth exposing yourself to such danger or is it better to try to understand how to correctly and tactfully refuse a person who asks?
First of all, you need to determine whether a friend, relative or colleague truly needs help. Perhaps he simply wants to shift the fulfillment of duties that are unpleasant to him onto someone else’s shoulders. If we are talking about a task that the person asking can perfectly cope with himself, spending a little more effort and time, you just need to rid yourself of the feeling of guilt.
They usually ask for favors from those who have high degree responsibility for everything that happens and is characterized by perfectionism (the desire to bring everything to the end). Therefore, you need to understand for yourself: it is impossible to do everything for others, and no one is to blame for this except those who failed to properly plan the time and energy to solve their affairs. So, the first “secret” of how to competently refuse a person’s request is to decide for yourself that you do not owe anything to anyone, and to put your interests first, exclusively.
Ability to handle different forms of refusal
There are several simple ways that can help on how to refuse a person culturally and without offending him. The most banal, but at the same time the most effective, is to refer to your own employment, especially if this corresponds to reality. In some cases, an acquaintance or colleague may go further and ask for a favor “for the future,” that is, when you have free time. Experts recommend not giving instant consent, but warning: it is possible that after finishing the first case, you will have a second, third, and so on.
If the person asking is particularly persistent, you can set a condition for him, for example: “I help you with this, and you do this for me, because otherwise I simply won’t be able to find the time to help you.” This is called “properly killing two birds with one stone.” An acquaintance receives what he asked for; you do not lose anything, and, most importantly, warm relations remain between you.
Refusing does not mean offending
In some cases, you can say a firm “no” without excuses or explanations - when a request is made by someone you don’t know very well or close person. In such situations, even apologizing is not necessary, especially if we are talking about some burdensome or unpleasant things. Tactless individuals may begin to ask to explain the reason for the refusal, but they do this completely unreasonably: you are an adult and should not be accountable to strangers who are not even your friends or relatives. As a last resort, the answer “I can’t help you due to personal circumstances” is acceptable, without detailed explanations.
When someone close to you asks for a favor, of course, it is more difficult to answer the request negatively, but even here there are several options for how to refuse a loved one without offending him. For example, you can say that you simply do not understand the question that is being asked to you, or that you are afraid of solving the problem poorly or incorrectly, because you do not have enough knowledge, experience, or competence. Well-mannered people will never impose a complex matter and will try to turn to someone else who is better versed in the subject.
The main thing is not to give in to persuasion
Sometimes the person asking tries to persuade him to agree in every possible way - through persuasion, entreaties and even blackmail. Once you follow a lead, you will forever open a “loophole” that will be used by unscrupulous acquaintances. With such people you need to behave decisively, and not be afraid to offend them with a refusal: they, in turn, do not think at all about your feelings, and about what they can do to you that is unpleasant.
Psychologists even highlight the point that a request can correctly say a lot about a person: about his character, principles, rules of life. Perhaps a rude request will become a kind of “litmus test” that will make you think about whether you need to continue communicating with this individual.
Refuse...temporarily
Of course, not all requests should be refused; It is important to distinguish between the empty whims of others and truly important requests. In some situations, it is difficult to immediately determine how complex and time-consuming the task will be, and whether it is feasible at all. Experts recommend not to agree instantly, but to take time to think, that is, refuse the person, but temporarily. It is enough to state that you now have more important things to do, and only then, in a calm and peaceful atmosphere, think over all the details of the request and make the right decision.
If it turns out to be simple enough, you can meet halfway, but in the case when it comes to something unpleasant or too difficult question, you can again culturally refer to being busy or directly declare your reluctance to help, since this will take too much time and effort, so necessary to resolve your own issues.
Video response on the topic “How to refuse and not become an enemy” from the “Success” program
Partial "no"
Learning to refuse people without offending them seems difficult at first, but over time, the ability to culturally say a reasoned and firm “no” can become part of your character, freeing up time for more pleasant activities - walks with friends, activities with children, meetings with loved ones. For those who cannot instantly transform from a universal “helper” into a person capable of tactfully refusing, experts recommend learning to do this gradually.
For example, when asked by a neighbor to walk her dog, there are three acceptable responses for “beginners”:
- only by certain days weeks
- only in good weather
- just no more than 15 minutes
On the one hand, you agreed to help, on the other, you took into account your interests and chose the most acceptable conditions for yourself.
What about "yes"?
It is possible and necessary to provide services to others! Just don’t “put everyone on your neck” who wants to receive free and high-quality help. Always put first own desires and priorities, and even in cases where someone you know was offended by receiving a refusal, this does not mean that you - bad person. Rather, it will mean that a colleague or friend communicated with you solely for his own benefit. Value your personal time, it is an irreplaceable resource!
Paradoxically, the ability to refuse is just as necessary as the ability to sympathize and help. If you can't say no, you will be contacted without a twinge of conscience by those who would never respond to a request for help. We master the technique of refusal.
There are many people in the world who are called trouble-free. You can contact them at any time of the day for help, and they will never refuse. Many consider this quality of their character to be a human virtue, because it is beneficial to always “have at hand” such a “no-failure” person in order to transfer some of your problems onto him.
However, rarely does anyone take the trouble to think: maybe a person simply cannot refuse?
People who cannot say “no” often do not have enough time for their own affairs and personal lives, although they can, at best, count on a dubious compliment as gratitude for their reliability.
A striking example of a reliable person and what the inability to refuse leads to is the old film “ Autumn Marathon"with Oleg Basilashvili in leading role. The hero of the film is not young, but he never learned to refuse and live the way he wants. His life was almost over, but he never became a person because he always lived the way others wanted.
Reliable people always, like a magnet, attract people who actively take advantage of their inability to refuse. We can say that the executioner is looking for a victim, and the victim is looking for an executioner. And even if the “non-refusal person” suddenly rebels and refuses to play the role of a lifesaver, he will immediately be accused of being careless and heartless.
There are golden words that everyone should remember: “Living the way you want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others should think and live the way you want.”
Why are people afraid to say no?
People who fulfill other people's requests against their wishes most often have a soft and indecisive character. In their hearts, they really want to say “no,” but they are so afraid of embarrassing or offending another person with a refusal that they force themselves to do something that they do not like at all.
Many people later regret what they once wanted, but were unable to say “no”.
Often, when people refuse, they say the word “no” as if they feel guilty about something - it seems to them that some kind of unpleasant reaction will follow. Indeed, many are not used to being refused, and “no” causes a negative reaction in them - they are rude, break off relationships, etc.
Some people don't say “no” for fear of becoming unwanted and being left alone.
How to refuse politely?
By saying “no,” we often make enemies for ourselves. However, it is worth remembering that what is more important for us is to offend someone with a refusal or to take upon ourselves the fulfillment of obligations that burden us. Moreover, it is not at all necessary to refuse in a rude manner. For example, the same diplomats try not to say “yes” or “no,” replacing them with the words “Let’s discuss this.”
When saying “no”, it is worth remembering that:
- this word can protect against problems;
- can mean “yes” if pronounced hesitantly;
- successful people say “no” more often than “yes”;
- by refusing what we cannot or do not want to do, we will feel like a winner.
There are several simple ways to politely refuse, which show that anyone can do this task.
1. Outright refusal
Some people believe that when refusing something, you must give a reason for the refusal. This is a misconception. First, explanations will look like excuses, and excuses will give the person asking hope that you can change your mind. Secondly, it is not always possible to name the real reason for the refusal. If you invent it, the lie may later be exposed and put both in an awkward position. In addition, a person who speaks insincerely often gives himself away with his facial expressions and voice.
Therefore, it is better not to fantasize, but simply say “no” without adding anything else. You can soften the refusal by saying: “No, I can’t do this,” “I don’t want to do this,” “I don’t have time for this.”
If a person ignores these words and continues to insist, you can use the “broken record” method, repeating the same words of refusal after each of his tirades. There is no need to interrupt the speaker with objections and ask questions - just say “no.”
This method is suitable for refusing aggressive and overly persistent people.
2. Compassionate refusal
This technique is suitable for refusing people who tend to get their way with their requests, causing pity and sympathy. In this case, it is worth showing them that you empathize, but cannot help.
For example, “I’m very sorry for you, but I can’t help you.” Or “I see that it’s not easy for you, but I can’t solve your problem.”
3. Justified refusal
This is a fairly polite refusal and can be used in any setting - formal or informal. It is suitable both when refusing to older people and when refusing to people occupying a higher position on the career ladder.
This refusal assumes that you give a valid reason why you cannot fulfill the request: “I can’t do this because I’m going to the theater with my child tomorrow,” etc.
It will be even more convincing if you name not one reason, but three. This technique is called failure for three reasons. The main thing when using it is the brevity of the wording so that the person asking quickly grasps the essence.
4. Delayed refusal
This method can be used by people for whom refusing someone’s request is a psychological drama, and they almost automatically respond with consent to any request. People of this type often doubt that they are right and tend to endlessly analyze their actions.
Delayed refusal allows you to think about the situation and, if necessary, seek advice from friends. Its essence is not to say “no” immediately, but to ask for time to make a decision. This way you can insure yourself against rash steps.
A justified refusal might look like this: “I can’t answer right now because I don’t remember my plans for the weekend. Perhaps I have arranged to meet someone. I’ll need to look at my weekly planner to confirm.” Or “I need to consult at home,” “I need to think. I’ll tell you later,” etc.
You can refuse in this way to people who are assertive and do not tolerate objections.
5. Compromise refusal
Such a refusal can be called a half refusal, because we want to help a person, but not completely, but partially, and not on his terms, which seem unrealistic to us, but on our own. In this case, it is necessary to clearly define the terms of assistance - what and when we can and what we cannot.
For example, “I can take your child to school with mine, but just let him be ready by eight o’clock.” Or “I can help you do repairs, but only on Saturdays.”
If such conditions do not suit the requester, then we have the right to refuse with a calm soul.
6. Diplomatic refusal
It involves a mutual search for an acceptable solution. We refuse to do what we don’t want or can’t, but together with the person asking, we look for a solution to the problem.
For example, “I can’t help you, but I have a friend who deals with these issues.” Or “Perhaps I can help you in another way?”
In response to examples of different refusal techniques, one can argue that it is necessary to help people and that by refusing others, we ourselves risk finding ourselves in a difficult situation where we will have nothing to count on anyone’s help. Note that we are talking only about the requests of people who are accustomed to “playing with one goal”, believe that everyone is obliged to them and abuse the reliability of other people.
We already told you, and... Maybe you are just one of those for whom we wrote these texts. So-called nice guys may be nice on the outside, but inside they constantly feel depressed and empty.
Nice guys always fall into a simple trap: they always say “Yes” to every request. These unstoppable people are afraid that people will stop liking them if they refuse. Agreeing to everything, nice guys fit additional tasks and deadlines into their already jam-packed schedules. In the end, they burden themselves with so many things that they cannot even fulfill their direct responsibilities, which should come first for them. Both laughter and sin: in the end, such a nice guy can't cope with anything, doesn't keep his promises and stops being liked by people - something he tried so hard to avoid.
A man sets clear priorities and goals, takes the time to achieve them, and says “no” when a request prevents him from doing what is important to him. He never stops striving to be better, doing different things to stay just good.
What don't nice guys understand? It's impossible to please everyone. Even if you help and please everyone. And what’s more, it’s even possible to refuse people and still leave them with the idea that you’re good and your boyfriend.
If you find it difficult to refuse people, refer to our manual: it will teach you how to do it correctly.
This is not some kind of personal “no”. Don't say "no" as if you are refusing a person because you don't like him; because his idea is crazy; because it's boring. Let him know that you are just “following the rules.” I mean, some of your own personal rules that do not allow you to agree.
- “I can’t go to the polka festival on Monday because we always spend Monday night as a family.”
- “I can’t donate money to this. Instead of such donations, we decided to save money and give it to... (any cause).”
- “Thanks for the invitation, but I don’t date women who have more than eleven cats.”
Make it clear that you would like to say yes. If you show the person that you sympathize with their request, but still cannot fulfill it, this will soften their disappointment at being rejected.
- “I would love to hire you, you are perfect for this position. But the HR person had already found another candidate and began to process him.”
- “I would love to speak at your convention: I really enjoyed it last year, the presentations were excellent. But I have too many things to do.”
Show that you have thought about your refusal. Hearing an immediate and thoughtless refusal is very offensive. Show the person that you thought about their request, that you took time to decide before you said no.
- “Very exciting script. I really like the scene where the cannibal robot and the platypus become friends. But the studio makes romantic comedies, I'm sorry."
Offer some sort of compensation. If you cannot fulfill the request, think about what you can do to help in some way.
- “I can’t referee this game, but I’ll give you a keg so you can have some fun after the match.”
- “I can’t go camping, but I can give you a tent.”
Make it clear that your refusal will benefit them. You can turn your refusal into a kind of favor: you just need to turn the matter around in such a way that the person understands that your consent would only aggravate the matter.
- “Your newspaper is first-class. If I took the time to write any text for you, it would not live up to the high standards for which your publication is famous.”
- “If I went with you, I would still fall asleep in the middle of the movie and embarrass everyone.”
Say no to help the person say no to themselves. Web designers, hairdressers and others creative people understand these feelings when they tell the client that his desire cannot be fulfilled. That is, technically it is possible, but it will look bad. If they say “no” bluntly, the client may become angry and offended. Instead, ask about the person's goals, and then gently show them why their proposal will not help achieve them.
- “If you want your page to look sleek and modern, all those rainbows and unicorns in the background don’t fit with general style. I can show you a few samples - maybe this is just what you need."
- “You have a very masculine chin. This haircut will make him weigh down his entire face.”
Make it clear that in the future you can agree. Don't make a situation look hopeless if it isn't.
- “I can’t give you an “excellent” for this work, but you almost succeeded. Next time, make the thesis more convincing, and then everything will work out.”
Show that the idea is bad. If someone comes to you with an idea that can never be implemented, no matter what they say or how hard they try, don’t sugarcoat your refusal. But “No, get out, you idiot!” - also not best way. Instead, ask a few questions and show where the plan isn't working. Help the person see for himself how unrealistic his idea is. You'll be doing him a favor.
- “Okay, who is this fake beard aimed at?”
Just say no. Sometimes this is the best way. If someone is wasting your time and doesn't respect you, don't soften your refusal. Show him the door.
And finally. These tips will help you soften the refusal, but should not introduce ambiguity into your speech. Stay polite and warm, but be tough and confident. State your opinion and let them put up with it. Don't let anyone blame you for not doing things you don't like. What's nice about reliability? You will respect yourself more if you learn to say a firm “no.”
MENSBY
4.6
Many take advantage of your kindness, and when you refuse, they accuse you of complete selfishness and heartlessness? Living the way you want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others should think and live the way you want.
There are many people in the world who are called trouble-free. You can contact them at any time of the day for help, and they will never refuse. Many consider this quality of their character to be a human virtue, because it is beneficial to always “have at hand” such a “no-failure” person in order to transfer some of your problems onto him.
However, rarely does anyone take the trouble to think: maybe a person simply cannot refuse?
People who cannot say “no” often do not have enough time for their own affairs and personal lives, although they can, at best, count on a dubious compliment as gratitude for their reliability.
A striking example of a reliable person and what the inability to refuse leads to is the old film “Autumn Marathon” with Oleg Basilashvili in the title role. The hero of the film is not young, but he never learned to refuse and live the way he wants. His life was almost over, but he never became a person because he always lived the way others wanted.
Reliable people always, like a magnet, attract people who actively take advantage of their inability to refuse. We can say that the executioner is looking for a victim, and the victim is looking for an executioner. And even if the “non-refusal person” suddenly rebels and refuses the role of a lifesaver, he will immediately be accused of complete selfishness and heartlessness.
There are golden words that everyone should remember: “Living the way you want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others should think and live the way you want.”
Why are people afraid to say no?
People who fulfill other people's requests against their wishes most often have a soft and indecisive character. In their hearts, they really want to say “no,” but they are so afraid of embarrassing or offending another person with a refusal that they force themselves to do something that they do not like at all.
Many people later regret what they once wanted, but were unable to say “no”.
Often, when people refuse, they say the word “no” as if they feel guilty about something - it seems to them that some kind of unpleasant reaction will follow. Indeed, many are not used to being refused, and “no” causes a negative reaction in them - they are rude, break off relationships, etc.
Some people don't say “no” for fear of becoming unwanted and being left alone.
How to refuse politely?
By saying “no,” we often make enemies for ourselves. However, it is worth remembering that what is more important for us is to offend someone with a refusal or to take upon ourselves the fulfillment of obligations that burden us. Moreover, it is not at all necessary to refuse in a rude manner. For example, the same diplomats try not to say “yes” or “no,” replacing them with the words “Let’s discuss this.”
When saying “no”, it is worth remembering that:
this word can protect against problems;
can mean “yes” if pronounced hesitantly;
successful people say “no” more often than “yes”;
by refusing what we cannot or do not want to do, we will feel like a winner.
There are several simple ways to politely refuse, which show that anyone can do this task.
1. Outright refusal
Some people believe that when refusing something, you must give a reason for the refusal. This is a misconception. First, explanations will look like excuses, and excuses will give the person asking hope that you can change your mind. Secondly, it is not always possible to name the real reason for the refusal. If you invent it, the lie may later be exposed and put both in an awkward position. In addition, a person who speaks insincerely often gives himself away with his facial expressions and voice.
Therefore, it is better not to fantasize, but simply say “no” without adding anything else. You can soften the refusal by saying: “No, I can’t do this,” “I don’t want to do this,” “I don’t have time for this.”
If a person ignores these words and continues to insist, you can use the “broken record” method, repeating the same words of refusal after each of his tirades. There is no need to interrupt the speaker with objections and ask questions - just say “no.”
This method is suitable for refusing aggressive and overly persistent people.
2. Compassionate refusal
This technique is suitable for refusing people who tend to get their way with their requests, causing pity and sympathy. In this case, it is worth showing them that you empathize, but cannot help.
For example, “I’m very sorry for you, but I can’t help you.” Or “I see that it’s not easy for you, but I can’t solve your problem.”
3. Justified refusal
This is a fairly polite refusal and can be used in any setting - formal or informal. It is suitable both when refusing to older people and when refusing to people occupying a higher position on the career ladder.
This refusal assumes that you give a valid reason why you cannot fulfill the request: “I can’t do this because I’m going to the theater with my child tomorrow,” etc.
It will be even more convincing if you name not one reason, but three. This technique is called failure for three reasons. The main thing when using it is the brevity of the wording so that the person asking quickly grasps the essence.
4. Delayed refusal
This method can be used by people for whom refusing someone’s request is a psychological drama, and they almost automatically respond with consent to any request. People of this type often doubt that they are right and tend to endlessly analyze their actions.
Delayed refusal allows you to think about the situation and, if necessary, seek advice from friends. Its essence is not to say “no” immediately, but to ask for time to make a decision. This way you can insure yourself against rash steps.
A justified refusal might look like this: “I can’t answer right now because I don’t remember my plans for the weekend. Perhaps I have arranged to meet someone. I’ll need to look at my weekly planner to confirm.” Or “I need to consult at home,” “I need to think. I’ll tell you later,” etc.
You can refuse in this way to people who are assertive and do not tolerate objections.
5. Compromise refusal
Such a refusal can be called a half refusal, because we want to help a person, but not completely, but partially, and not on his terms, which seem unrealistic to us, but on our own. In this case, it is necessary to clearly define the terms of assistance - what and when we can and what we cannot.
For example, “I can take your child to school with mine, but just let him be ready by eight o’clock.” Or “I can help you do repairs, but only on Saturdays.”
If such conditions do not suit the requester, then we have the right to refuse with a calm soul.
6. Diplomatic refusal
It involves a mutual search for an acceptable solution. We refuse to do what we don’t want or can’t, but together with the person asking, we look for a solution to the problem.
For example, “I can’t help you, but I have a friend who deals with these issues.” Or “Perhaps I can help you in another way?”
In response to examples of different refusal techniques, one can argue that it is necessary to help people and that by refusing others, we ourselves risk finding ourselves in a difficult situation where we will have nothing to count on anyone’s help. Note that we are talking only about the requests of people who are accustomed to “playing with one goal”, believe that everyone is obliged to them and abuse the reliability of other people.
