Hence the question: who and why becomes dependent on other people’s opinions?
First: as a child, our opinion was rarely asked at all - they bought us things, toys, took us to theaters, zoos, without asking.
And most often the child is given the opportunity to express his opinion only in adolescence. More precisely, the child himself wins this opportunity. And then the parents experience shock, get scared and blame everything on adolescence. Although the teenager at this moment simply expresses what has been inside him all this time.
Second. Parents often express their opinion about the child’s acquaintances, thereby making it clear: “create such a circle of friends that you can be acceptable to the people who are important to you.” After all, it is known that for a child, mom and dad are the primary and ideal people.
At the moment when a child first wants to show independence, when he first stands on his feet or when he wants to run away to the other half of the yard, mothers are not ready to give him such responsibility. At the same time, sometimes you can also hear the following phrase: “Are you running through puddles again? Mom doesn’t love you when you do that.” What's the result? “In order to be loved, I must do as the person important to me says.” And then, after many years, adults realize that all their lives they “deserved” love and good attitude from people dear to them.
Those who were scolded a lot for mistakes in childhood are also dependent on the opinions of others. The words of abuse spoken at the same time are very well imprinted in the brain, and the child transfers his behavior to adulthood. The result is “it’s better to do as they say, then at least they won’t scold you.”
“Listen to mom, mom won’t give you bad advice,” have you ever heard this phrase? If yes, you can be sure: the roots of your dependence on other people’s opinions come from childhood.
This “listen to mom” resonates in the child’s head like this: “Only mom’s opinion is the best and most useful. All other opinions can harm me.” And sometimes it turns out that until the age of forty, he asks his mother’s advice in everything. And he not only asks, but also does so.
Such people are often prone to rebellion in adulthood. They can give up everything, change jobs, change cities, or complete a successful project. But without resolving the internal contradiction, the same things will happen in the “new” life - having gotten out of dependence on some people, a person immediately becomes dependent on the opinions of others. Often such “repressed” men find powerful wives.
What does a person do when he first realizes his dependence on other people’s opinions? “Urgently, urgently stop listening to other people’s opinions!” - he says. But in the end, he not only stops hearing other people’s opinions, he also does the opposite. And this is not my own opinion, this is a fierce contradiction of any other opinion.
What to do? It's enough to know about it. And if you are now working on self-confidence and feel attacks when you want to do anything, but not as someone says, know: you are now in this period of denial. It's important to remember that this is normal and try to mitigate it.
The next stage is learn to hear other people's opinions useful information for myself. To do this, you need to start working on yourself in a variety of directions. I'll give you some exercises:
Exercise 1. Choose a movie or book that everyone is talking about now, something that is heard. Watch or read this movie or book and form your own clear opinion. Answer for yourself: what you liked and what you didn’t care about.
Then choose a few people close to you and tell them about this book or movie. Listen, ask, find out their opinion and be sure to voice yours. If you suddenly encounter resistance, find a way to defend your opinion. After some time, repeat the process with another movie or book.
Exercise 2. Think back to the last week or two of your life. How many times have you agreed with another person's opinion without thinking about your own opinion? Think and write down. What did this lead to? Think about it.
The next point is very important. Ask yourself: what are my goals in life? For a month, for a year, for five years. Do you now have an answer to this question? Or no goals? Or do they exist, but they are “not our own”?
Why is this so important? If a person does not have his own goals, there is no line, there is no structure; if a person cannot understand whether he now needs what he sees or does, then it becomes very easy to follow someone else’s opinion.
Exercise 3. Sit down and write down your goals on different periods life. Or at least decide what you want from your future. Goals can be difficult to write down at first, especially if you've never done it before.
Exercise 4. One of the most important stages when developing your opinion, this is the ability to say “No.” Do you know how to say “no”?
How to learn to do this? Start with situations that are not very important to you. This could be a personal meeting with a friend or a trip to lunch with your parents. Start telling people no. For example: “What time will we meet? Maybe at 6?" Tell: " No, let's go at 7." That is, at the first stage, say “no” to little things that do not affect anything overall.
If you find it difficult to say “no” with words, speak in in writing. For example, if you are making an appointment, say that you will clarify your plans and write an SMS to your interlocutor. Sometimes writing is easier. Don't be discouraged if you don't succeed the first time. There are a lot psychological reasons, for which it is very difficult for a person to say “No”. This is a reason to contact a specialist for individual work. But it's worth a try.
Exercise 5. Take a break. If you cannot quickly figure out a particular situation, say: “I’ll think about it,” and then calm atmosphere, without pressure, you will be able to understand whether you want to agree with your interlocutor’s proposal or not. But regardless of your decision, you will know for sure: this decision was made carefully, thoughtfully, without pressure.
Exercise 6. Train your communication skills, expand your circle of acquaintances. The more experience you have in communication, the more points of view you hear, the faster you will understand that there are countless different opinions and relying on any one of them is irrational. And relying on each is also physically impossible.
At the same time, use physical and mental strength for calm and moral stability, this will help build self-confidence.
Contents of the article:
Dependence on other people’s opinions is a psychological state of a person caused by the oppression of one’s own “I” in favor of extraneous considerations. The formation of this quality begins deep in childhood, when parents evaluate and correct the actions of their children. Originated in early age The fear of being judged or misunderstood fetters one’s own pride and forces one to follow the opinions of others.
The influence of dependence on other people's opinions on life
Dependence on other people's opinions usually occurs in people with weak character. Among the characteristics of such a person one can observe the inability to make any decisions independently and easily succumb to the influence of outsiders. This state contributes to the subordination of people with this quality to others who are stronger and more strong-willed.
How does this type of addiction affect a person’s life:
- Loss of self. One gets the impression that others are putting pressure on and suppressing the individual’s personal opinion. Under such influence, one loses the ability to independently build one’s life and make decisions on one issue or another.
- Need for external assessment. Such people need comments and approval of their actions. Different reactions are regarded as guidance on the right path. A person who has such an addiction is influenced by absolutely everyone around him.
- The unquestioned opinion of parents. A child, for whom even in childhood his parents always made decisions, already in adulthood often depends on their opinion. Such people remain attached to the assessment from their relatives and are unable to contradict them, although they have the opposite view. Such attachment may result in the inability to exist independently.
- Inability to defend your position. If in childhood the child was constantly subjected to pressure from peers or elders, as an adult he will not be able to lead a discussion. He will no longer have the desire to prove his point of view. It will be easier for him to agree and relegate his opinion to the background.
- The desire to be like everyone else. A person with a similar position is afraid to stand out from the crowd and tries to live according to the principles of the herd. It is always important for such people to know that they are not worse than others, but like everyone else.
- Avoidance of responsibility. Individuals who have these qualities are capable of deception; they cannot be relied upon, because they avoid responsibility in every possible way. A person who avoids solving serious issues is not welcome in the work team.
Important! Such dependence makes a slave out of a person, who can be controlled by everyone, point out mistakes and suppress the slightest manifestation of individuality. To avoid the unwanted development of such a bonded state, you must immediately sound the alarm and try to get rid of it.
The main reasons for dependence on the opinions of others
People are born into the world with established principles and moral standards. The whole future life is about conforming to society. But some people believe that someone else’s opinion will set them on the right path and help them not get out of line. This kind of dependence can ultimately lead to loss of individuality and the inability to make decisions independently.
Reasons for dependence on outside opinions:
- Weak character. People with this trait are easily influenced from outside.
- A man driven by his essence. Such individuals avoid responsibility and are unable to make decisions on their own.
- Bad experience. Appears in childhood, when parents suppressed the child’s initiative to do something on his own. With age, the need to manage your life disappears, and this feature rests on the shoulders of friends or relatives.
- Low self-esteem. This quality does not make it possible to defend one’s interests, but, on the contrary, forces a person to withdraw so as not to provoke outside condemnation.
- Lack of love in childhood. In adult life the individual seeks to attract attention to himself by asking for approval or condemnation from strangers. These actions help him feel that he is not an empty place.
- Created stereotypes. If a child is praised for all his actions (eating, waking up, going to the toilet, etc.), he lives in fear of doing something wrong and therefore is always guided by other people's advice.
Important! Childhood education becomes the basis for the emergence of addiction. Like many other mental formations, it can be prevented with the help of properly selected methods of targeted personality development.
Signs of a person dependent on other people's opinions
The desire to imitate or conform to socially accepted attitudes prevents the manifestation of one’s own essence. There is no need for personal development, because preference is given to the assessments and opinions of people who are authorities for a person.
Main signs of addiction:
- Before taking any action, a person thinks about how society will evaluate this action and what others will think. These thoughts influence the final decision made.
- The person who has been criticized experiences depression, emotional decline and ill health.
- There is a fear of being subjected to general discussion or criticism.
- There is a need for a positive assessment and praise of one’s actions, achievements or personal qualities.
- A person experiences oppression when his actions are not positively assessed.
- The diligence of an individual comes down to meeting people's expectations.
- A person sacrifices his principles and views in favor of someone else's opinion.
- Ignoring discussions, being afraid to defend one’s point of view.
- There is a feeling that a person is living someone else’s life, and at the same time oppression of his own “I” occurs.
How to stop depending on the opinions of strangers
People are very dependent by nature. Each family, raising children, has a different attitude towards their freedom of expression. Some parents prefer to raise their children using dictatorial methods, while others, on the contrary, are inclined towards democracy. A child who has been subjected to emotional abuse and violated in his actions becomes dependent on the opinion of the public.
Having analyzed the problem, psychologists have developed a certain algorithm of actions on how not to depend on the opinions of others:
- Self-observation. This technique is based on the practice of mindfulness. You need to analyze your thoughts. A wide variety of feelings must be noticed. Then the person will understand that his emotions contain resentment, anger, anxiety, and a feeling of unspokenness. Having identified these features, he learns to recognize them without dividing them into good and bad. Having learned to feel their thoughts, people determine their origin. By appreciating the emotional response to a stimulus, awareness appears, which frees a person from self-judgment.
- Privacy. People suffering from addiction are afraid of loneliness; they even try to be with those who harm them, just so as not to be left alone with themselves. To get rid of such negative attachment, you need to gradually learn to be alone. Realizing that this method is effective, you need to prepare a place to spend time. The created favorable atmosphere will allow you to be in peace and harmony with yourself. Such actions will eventually overcome the fear of loneliness and teach independence.
- Definition own desires . People attached to other people's opinions do not have life goals and their own view of a given situation. All the presented manifestations are hidden behind someone else’s face, because everything that loved ones want, the dependent person also wants to have. Such an individual needs to find strength within himself and answer the questions of what is important to him and who he wants to be in life.
- Display of aggression. Each person tends to throw out his emotional indignation and defend his personal vision of a particular situation. If you constantly contain aggression within yourself and do not let it out, this can cause painful health and develop personal apathy. By defending your position, you will be able to gain your own opinion, which will help you break out of the captivity of addiction.
- Setting boundaries. Having defined a clear limit of what is permitted, a person gains universal approval. Poor boundaries create uncertainty, which turns a lot of people off. After all, only distinct edges indicate the presence of life goals that will never be shaken. This kind of action will allow you to find your face in society.
- Getting rid of illusions. This action will help you realize that there are no ideal people. Even those individuals who are seen as idols have a set of negative qualities. By looking closely at them, you can destroy the illusory world created by your own consciousness.
A list of exercises that will tell you how to stop depending on other people’s opinions:
- It is necessary to watch a film or read a book, just so that the material is known to everyone. After familiarizing yourself with the chosen plot, you should make a list in which you write down the moments you liked and not so much. When a person gets into the essence of a film or book, he should talk with close friends about what impression he got. During the conversation, disputes may arise, but in no case should you deviate from your already formed opinion. It is recommended to repeat the proposed exercise until the person feels confident.
- It is necessary to write down the goals that are planned to be achieved in a certain period of life. Having completed this procedure, people gain confidence and strive to achieve their plans.
- You need to be able to refuse, cultivate the strength to tell people “No!” To learn this, you need to start small. For example, when you receive an offer from a friend to meet at a certain time, you should change it by at least 30 minutes, but this will already be a shift in a positive direction.
If a person cannot cope with his dependence on the opinions of others on his own, then only a specialist can help him.
How not to be afraid of other people's opinions - watch the video:
All people who are caught in the network of dependence on the opinions of others are discriminated against by society, lose their face and are unable to stand out from the crowd. The desire to conform suppresses individuality. If there is a need to overcome addiction, then there is no need to hesitate. Actions must be built according to the presented algorithm, and only then will it be possible to free oneself from other people’s opinions and gain faith in oneself.
We are satisfied with life when our loved ones love and wait for us and significant people. This dependence can be taken for granted and “don’t scratch where it doesn’t itch.” What to do if public opinion haunts you? Know yourself and make sure you are worthy of love and respect.
It would seem, what difference does it make to us, who thinks what about how beautiful we are, what we are wearing, what we said or did? A famous woman once said: “I don’t care what you think about me, because I don’t think about you at all.” The same opinion is shared by our contemporary American actress Cameron Diaz, who said that she does not care about other people’s opinions, and she will live her life the way she wants, and not someone else.
People who are independent of other people's opinions can be envied, but they are in the minority. Most people need the approval of others, sometimes even those they don’t like. For some, such addiction generally becomes so painful that they need the services of a psychotherapist. In particular, actress Megan Fox, known for her phobias, has mental problems. Although, according to her, she often manages to ignore the streams of lies spread about her by tabloid publications, nevertheless, she once stated: “...Believe me, I care what people think about me... because I’m not a robot "
Impressionable people with a vulnerable psyche, and especially young people, are too dependent on the opinions of others. Perhaps they will feel better when they learn about the “18-40-60” rule by American psychologist Daniel Amen, the author of many bestsellers, including “Change your brain, change your life!” He assures his patients who suffer from complexes, lack self-confidence and are overly dependent on the opinions of other people: “At 18 you care what others think of you, at 40 you no longer care, and at 60 you understand what others think about you.” They don’t think at all.”
Where does this dependence on other people’s opinions, the desire to please and earn words of approval, sometimes even from strangers, come from?
Of course, there is nothing wrong with charming your interlocutor and making a favorable impression on him. After all, as they say, “ kind word and it’s nice for the cat.”
We are talking about something else: about cases when, in an effort to be liked, a person says not what he thinks, but what others would like to hear from him; dresses not as he is comfortable, but as his friends or parents impose on him. Gradually, without noticing how, these people lose their individuality and stop living their lives. How many destinies have failed because the opinions of others were put above one’s own!
Such problems have always existed – as long as humanity has existed. Another Chinese philosopher who lived BC. e., noted: “Worry about what other people think of you, and you will forever remain their prisoner.”
Psychologists say that dependence on other people’s opinions is characteristic primarily of people with low self-esteem. Why people don’t value themselves is another question. Perhaps they were “shut down” by authoritarian parents or perfectionist parents. Or maybe they lost faith in themselves and their abilities due to successive failures. As a result, they begin to consider their opinions and feelings not worthy of anyone else's attention. Worried that they will not be respected, taken seriously, unloved and rejected, they try to be “like everyone else” or to be like those who, in their opinion, enjoy authority. Before they do anything, they ask themselves the question: “What will people think?”
By the way, the well-known work of A. Griboedov, “Woe from Wit,” written back in the 19th century, ends with the words of Famusov, who is not worried about the conflict that occurred in his house, but “What will Princess Marya Alekseevna say?” In this work, Famus society with its sanctimonious morality is opposed by Chatsky, a self-sufficient person with his own opinion.
Let's face it: depending on the opinions of others is bad, because people who do not have their own point of view are treated with condescension, they are not taken into account and respected. And, feeling this, they suffer even more. Essentially, they cannot be happy because they are constantly in a state of internal conflict. They are haunted by a feeling of dissatisfaction with themselves, and their mental anguish repels people who prefer to communicate with those who are confident in themselves.
True, there is another extreme: one’s own opinion, desires and feelings are placed above all else. Such people live by the principle: “There are two opinions - mine and the wrong one.” But this, as they say, “is a completely different story.”
Is it possible to learn not to depend on other people's opinions?
As secretary Verochka said from the film “ Office romance", if desired, "you can teach a hare to smoke." But seriously, people underestimate their capabilities: they can do a lot, including
1. Change yourself, that is, learn to be yourself
And for this, first of all, you need a strong desire. Writer Ray Bradbury told people: “You can get anything you need if you really need it.”
Changing yourself means changing the way you think. Anyone who changes his thinking will be able to change his life (unless, of course, he is not satisfied with it). After all, everything we have in life is the result of our thoughts, decisions, behavior in different situations. When making a choice, it is worth thinking about what is paramount for us – our own life or the illusions of other people.
Known for his bright individuality, the artist said that he developed the habit of being different from everyone else and behaving differently than other mortals in his childhood;
2. Control yourself
Having your own opinion does not mean not listening to others. Someone may have more experience or be more competent in some matters. When making a decision, it is important to understand what it is dictated by: your own needs or the desire to keep up with others, the fear of not being a black sheep.
There are many examples when we make a choice, thinking that it is ours, but in fact everything has already been decided for us by friends, parents, colleagues. A young man is forced into marriage because “it’s the right thing” and “it’s time,” because all his friends already have children. A 25-year-old girl who studies in the city is asked by her mother to bring at least some kind of food with her to the village during the holidays. young man, passing her off as her husband, because the mother is ashamed in front of the neighbors that her daughter is not yet married. People buy things they don't need and have expensive weddings just to meet other people's expectations.
When making a choice and making a decision, it is worth asking yourself how well it corresponds to our desires. Otherwise, it’s easy to let yourself be led astray from your own path in life;
3. Love yourself
Ideal is a relative concept. What serves as an ideal for one may not be of any interest to another. Therefore, no matter how hard we try, there will still be a person who will judge us. There are so many people, so many opinions – it’s impossible to please everyone. Yes, I’m “not a piece of gold to please everyone,” said some literary hero.
So why waste your mental strength on a useless activity? Isn't it better to take a closer look at ourselves in order to finally realize how unique we are and worthy of our own love and respect! This is not about selfish narcissism, but about love for your body and your soul as a single whole.
A person who does not love his home does not put it in order and does not decorate it. One who does not love himself does not care about his development and becomes uninteresting, therefore he does not have his own opinion and passes off someone else’s as his own;
4. Stop overthinking
Many of us exaggerate our importance in the lives of others. A married colleague had an affair with a co-worker. No one was interested in this fact enough to discuss it for more than a few minutes. But it seemed to the employee that everyone was talking about him. And indeed, with all his appearance he did not let people forget about it: he blushed, turned pale, stuttered and in the end quit, unable to withstand, as he believed, the behind-the-scenes conversations. In reality, no one was interested in his fate, because each person is concerned primarily with his own problems.
All people are primarily busy with themselves, and even if someone puts on socks different colors, sweater inside out, dyes hair pink, he will not be able to surprise them or attract their attention. Therefore, you should not depend on the opinions of others, who are often completely indifferent to us;
5. Learn to ignore other people’s opinions if they are not constructive
Only those who are nothing are not criticized. American writer Elbert Hubbrad said that if you are afraid of being criticized, then “do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” But we don’t want to “be anything.” This means we accept constructive criticism and do not pay attention to that with which we disagree, not letting it determine our lives. The famous one, addressing graduates of Stanford University, admonished them: “Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”
Others' success and popularity often arouse envy among people who covet them but lack the intelligence, ability, or self-discipline to win them. Such people are called haters, and they live on the Internet. They express their “hateful” opinions in the comments, trying to break down and force “to leave” those who, in their opinion, have undeservedly received fame. And sometimes they succeed.
Those who like to criticize, wrote Oscar Wilde, are those who are not able to create something themselves. Therefore, they are deplorable, and should be treated with a dose of irony and humor. As one friend says, their opinion will not affect my bank account in any way.
Stop thinking about your problems. It is clear that this is very difficult, and that difficult memories and regrets are difficult to get rid of, but you have to try. Think of it as if these were happy times. Try to spend as much time as possible with happy people so that you can push those difficult thoughts as far away as possible.
Stop constantly listening to your MP3, iPod or Walkman and hiding within yourself. If you want to be happy, stop hanging out in your room or hiding in a corner listening to sad music that makes you want to mourn your unfulfilled life. It doesn't help, honestly. Spend a day without listening to music at all. If you're really tempted to turn it on again, go somewhere with friends. This will help you develop socialization skills that will be very useful to you in the future! As a last resort, if you REALLY cannot do without it, listen to music, BUT use only one earphone, and leave the other ear free to perceive pleasant moments surrounding life - to which you are now blind - and stay in the present. If you play music, choose songs that are upbeat and uplifting!
Remember that a positive approach to life is installation. You may feel like the end of the world has come, or that your life is completely ruined, but this is not so. It's just your pessimistic thinking! If you are one of those people who likes to think, then think deeply about everything that worries you so much. Dig deeper into yourself and find out why you are constantly in bad mood. Wake up in the morning and do something that will give you the opportunity to appreciate this life - watch the sunrise, take a morning jog in the park, and so on. Stay positive and NEVER take your life for granted.
Do things that make you feel happy, think positive thoughts, and spend time with people who know how to enjoy life. As a rule, happiness is contagious, and if next to you happy man, that is big chance that you too will feel happier. If your mind keeps wandering back to problems, occupy your day. Go to the library and immerse yourself in books; start going to workouts gym; come up with a new hobby - whatever it is, as long as it takes up enough energy and time from you! By keeping yourself busy, you will see how immersion in activity pushes bad thoughts out of your head. Do even something stupid that allows you to laugh at yourself - this also creates a feeling of freedom and happiness. Relax! Don't force yourself to laugh, but have some fun with yourself. If you like, pretend you're giving a concert and turn your room into concert hall or stadium. Sing, dance, act out skits - whatever! Laugh, smile, wink, flirt - until you cry and your stomach hurts from laughing!
We are highly dependent on emotions, this is no longer a secret to anyone.
We want to feel good and we don’t want to feel bad — it’s as simple as that.
We often feel bad about the things we try to change. the world around us, which we cannot change. We try to deform it so that it takes the artificial form of our expectations. We try to compress it so that it fits into the modestly limited zone of our ideas about how things should be.
Being upset that we cannot change our circumstances, we forget that on the opposite side there is a whole unplowed field that actually awaits action and change from us. This field is located in our head.
The world is divided into two halves: “me” and “everything else”.
“I” includes everything that is within our body and within our control. Our thoughts, feelings, actions and the results of these actions are all under our personal responsibility.
“Everything else” is the entire world around us, including circumstances and events beyond our control. The world outside our body is a foreign territory outside our jurisdiction; we are not able to control anything there, including other people with their thoughts, feelings and actions. We really want to believe otherwise, but unfortunately this is the case: we cannot control external circumstances.
This view of the world gives both freedom and responsibility.
This position is not easy to accept right away: we are accustomed to believing that people can hurt us, events can ruin our mood, and in general the world around us has a direct impact on us. But this view of life does not bring any benefit, so I propose to reconsider it.
First, we must accept that each of us lives in his own world, which exists in his head. Think for yourself: everything that happens in the world around us has no impact on us until we give it a certain assessment. We may or may not be aware (usually the latter) of how we attach a certain meaning to current events and the words of other people. But in fact, everything that happens — these are just facts that initially have no emotional coloring, and they acquire meaning only thanks to our attitude towards them.
A simple example: a person died. If it's someone you know, you're upset. If this is your loved one or close friend, you are incredibly depressed and hurt. If you don't know about this death at all, you won't feel anything. If someone who hurt you or someone you know has died, you might even be glad that they are no longer there. The fact remains: a man died. But there can be any number of reactions to this event, and they will all be different — the number of people who perceive this fact, the number of reactions.
Nothing affects us until we ourselves attach a certain meaning to it.
What is happening at this time in our heads and hearts?
The emergence of any emotion can be traced. First of all, a thought is born. When we perceive an event occurring, we immediately begin to think about it — the brain begins to build chains of thoughts based on all our experience: the brain needs to “build” any fact into the structure of our life. He takes this fact and begins to search his database for any associations: past experiences, judgments, stereotypes, beliefs, fears, memories — all this flashes through our mind in a split second, and... ready — the fact is securely fixed in the midst of our past experience and our ideas about the world.
After new fact reacts with all the other contents of our mind, an emotion is born. An emotion never arises out of nowhere; it is always the result of a thought process, whether we are aware of it or not.
Example: you dropped your phone into water. There is a whole palette of emotions to choose from, depending on your thoughts. You may feel frustrated when you think about how much the phone cost and how much it will cost to repair it. Frustration from thinking about how many plans you had for the day, and how they will change because you are left without the necessary contacts and the ability to call. You may even feel afraid when you think about the consequences of not being able to complete an urgent errand for your boss without your phone. The reason for all these emotions is not the phone that broke, but the meaning you attach to this event when thinking about its consequences.
Tobias van Schneider @ unsplash.com
What's the point of all this?
Why does emotion arise? To motivate us to action.
This is an ancient mechanism that was once vital for us to run away from tigers and fight other dangers.
Let's take an example of how the emotion of fear arises. When we meet a tiger, the brain evaluates the situation: correlating the facts with previous experience, it draws a conclusion — “danger” — and sends signals to the nervous, endocrine, respiratory, digestive and other systems: adrenaline is released into the blood, the work of the heart increases and respiratory system, muscles tense, full combat readiness — we are ready to act — fight or run away.
Tigers no longer lie in wait for us around the corner, but the mechanisms by which emotions arise remain the same as millions of years ago. The problem is that our lives are now filled with emotions that do not lead to any action. And we suffer from this — both emotionally and physically: all unexpressed (that is, not expressed in actions) emotions “get stuck” in our bodies, sooner or later leading to illnesses on the body. physical level. But more on that another time.
Nowadays negative emotions most often lead to a single action: an attempt to avoid or drown out these emotions. This makes no sense in terms of survival or evolution, and therefore does not lead to anything good.
Fear, anxiety, anger, shame, regret — we blame the world around us for experiencing these emotions and try to run away from them or drown them out with food, alcohol, work and entertainment, without realizing that we really are themselves are responsible for these emotions. We are capable of choosing and even creating emotions ourselves, we just have to start paying attention to our thought process.
In fact, in life we often encounter a change in thinking: for example, when a friend is upset about some event, we console him. Thanks to our participation, he can “look from the outside” at the situation. We offer him a different view of what happened, one that is not emotionally colored by him. personal experience. In other words, we offer an alternative set of thoughts about this situation. After thinking and seeing the logic in our thoughts, a friend may accept them, and this will change his attitude towards the situation. We can apply the same approach to ourselves. Thoughts can be changed, and then emotions will change.
Everything that happens becomes part of our own life through our thoughts. Thoughts lead to emotions. Emotions lead to actions. Actions inevitably lead to results. It's so logical and simple. Keep track of what exactly you think about every day, and you will immediately see a connection with the results you have in your life.
Thoughts are the root, the foundation. This is important to understand: you cannot change emotions, actions or results without changing your thoughts. Of course, you can try, but the result will not be sustainable, and sooner or later you will return to your previous path. But by consciously choosing your thoughts, you can count on exactly the results that you want to see in your life.
In order to live better and feel good, you do not need to change the world around you, circumstances and other people. It is enough to simply pay attention to your thoughts and accept full responsibility for them. And then, if desired, begin to change your thought patterns.
